Ever since Washington DC, I have seemed to be slipping in to a dark place; but, at the same time, integrating new understandings of being and new energies. There has been an activation of Kundalini that has been intense, but I wish that is all it was.

A venture beyond anything that could have been expected, or even fathomed: from DC, to NY, now in Rome… My life will never be the same! To truly experience and understand the power of one’s light, one must first stop and acknowledge what they see within their being as dark, either in the moment or in the past, and learn that there is no difference between light and dark in the understanding of oneness. The differences that we perceive are nothing more than the ego.

I feel this is exactly what has been going on with me. Towards the middle of the stay in DC with the family, a filling fell out of one of my teeth. Then upon getting out of the bus and making it down to the train to buy a metro pass for the week, I somehow lost my wallet. Over the course of the next couple days, I would set something down and go to grab it, only a couple hours later, and have it nowhere in proximity to where I had put it: then to find it 2-3 days later lying in the middle of the bed, or the middle of the apt.

There has also been an amazing rising of sexual energy within, almost like a Kundalini rising. This new energy is very much in contradictory of the healing energies I usually draw from in my life. As a result of this integration, I chose to not partake in much of the pride activities over the course of the weekend in NY. Instead, I spent an afternoon going to a couple amazing performances at The Joyce, meeting with a great friend for a walk on the High Line, going out for drinks with new friends, but nothing too crazy. Luckily in everything I lost, I still had my passport, so I was still able to travel and replace my debit card b4 getting on the plane for Rome.

But something didn’t feel right. My sleep patterns were off. In the couple days before arriving to Rome, I couldn’t sleep (I chalked it up to nerves and excitement). Upon arriving in Rome, all I could do was sleep… almost like I had Mono. If I were to sit down for more than about 30 seconds I was asleep. But… that is also where it started getting weird. Every time I would close my eyes I would be transported to what seemed a parallel dimension of existence where I was still lost in my addiction. It was more than a dream. Every time I would close my eyes… didn’t matter when or where… it was as if the dream had not stopped moving forward.

Luckily my first day of filming, most were sleeping scenes. Lol but WOW: talk about a trip. Covered in bandages and what looked like dirt, I would close my eyes and the dream had me in a place almost identical to the scene I was acting in real life. The direction was different and there was no cut. I didn’t even realize I had fallen asleep. Soon I would here “Brock, Brock, Brock”. Not even realizing I was sleeping I would say something stupid like “yeah, I’m here”… and would deny that I was sleeping, thinking I was paying attention to everything that was going on.

This went on for the first few days of filming. Somehow, I began to realize that life at a fork in the road doesn’t change, only our path of conscious living. What I was experiencing was just as much real as what I am living today. It was a beautiful gift. As I began to realize this, and begin to embrace all that I am, even all that I was, the less I would have to sleep. The more I stopped looking at my past as something only as the past but something that is still very much real inside me, and stopped looking at it as something I have to move beyond, the less that parallel dimension of self was coming in to “steel my dreams and my sleep”. Only when we run from our past and only when we try to move beyond it, does it have the ability to haunt us.

By day 3 of filming I was back to what felt like my normal self. This also happened to be when we started getting into some of the most intense scenes of the movie. In many scenes I do not even have to “act” I am able to simple live; live so completely in the moment that the feeling or the connection to the role also becomes real. The problem is, in scenes where there are supposed to be tears, they are not there to fall. No longer looking at any of my past as something horrible or painful, but only as love and light, has removed the pain I would normally draw upon to give to a role like this. As the movie goes on, I am finding more and more peace in my spirit and my soul.

The shift I am experiencing is something I am not even sure I can put into writing. In my work, I teach that emotions are nothing more than an indicator of our alignment. When you let go of the defining label that society and the ego has put on that emotion, one is able to observe and experience the emotion for exactly what it is… a vibration of energy designed to remind a person to pause and breath into whom and what they are.

In science, it is the beat of the heart that defines life within the womb. The heart pumps the food and the nourishment needed to build and create what is to become the body. In this process, there is a bio-kinetic energy being created through the splitting of atoms and cells. Only when the process of cellular regeneration ends from within the body, do we begin the process of dying. Death is then defined by when the Heart stops beating and supplying the food needed for sustainable life.

I use this understanding in my work as well, for according to my understanding, the heart’s only ability is to energetically give and receive love. It is not to feel emotion, but to transfer emotion into energy that can be then converted into nutrient to feed and fuel the rest of the body. When at the heart as what transfers the unconditional love of the universe into the love that creates our being, one begins to see and understand that what we are as people is nothing more or less than the vibration of love.

During the process of cellular splitting and regeneration, science shows that in this simple action, a light is produced…. This is the light of self. It is a light that is conditional upon life. It is a light that is guaranteed for as long as we are still breathing and our hearts are still beating. Every event in our lives is drawn to us for the experience that it is will offer to allow that of our being to grow in the understanding that will assist us to fulfill our purpose.

Emotion, as I stated before, is nothing more than an indicator of our alignment of self. When we are in perfect alignment of self: vertically connecting only to the nurturing embrace of the earth and abundance grace of the universe are we able to experience ourselves for the love and light that define whom and what that we are. Emotion, beyond just an indicator of our alignment is and indicator that we have moved from a vertical connection to Self and into a horizontal attachment to a person place thing or idea that is around us.

I am not saying I no longer feel emotion, because believe me (and you can ask my family), I can become very emotional. But, I no longer have the need to define it as something, so its experience within has shifted, and I no longer stay attached to the emotion long enough to give it a label, or long enough for my ego to attach that emotion to a definition of who I am. Once I remember to allow the emotion to become the indicator that it is, I am able to do exactly what it has intended me to do… pause breath into that for whom and what I was designed and grow from the experience life has brought me. Life is no longer light and dark. Life is no longer right or wrong. Life is becoming an experience of growth and understanding.

Another week of filming “Red Krokodile” by film director and producer Domiziano Christopharo: a story about an addict. An addict without hope of ever being able to return to a normal life again (whatever that may have been), where I get to play the addict… I get to play an aspect of who I am, and share this journey with the audience. This film may be seen as a horror, or simply a depiction of life graphically designed to create an emotion within you that will hopefully get you to pause breath and understand the love that all being already are… even those that reflect what is seen as the worst or darkest parts of society.

I am YOU, YOU are ME… and WE are ALL ONE! May your ego loose grip enough, so that YOU have the ability to see and experience the Oneness of creating, through the Awareness, Understanding, and Alignment of SELF!!!

YOUR ARE LOVE AND YOU ARE LIGHT… Science has already proven it!

Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose