13th and Ocean: Destination of a journey once forgotten, now complete. The beginning of what I now know to be the journey of a life time now revisited after 11 years, almost to the day.

11 years ago: already involved in a life of partying and drugs, 6 months after my official HIV diagnosis, I left my home and my life in Denver CO for a 3 week road trip cross country, to start a new life in South Beach FL.

Without any idea of what I am getting into, I set out. I had already arranged the sale of all of my belonging, for my roommate at the time to complete. The money from the sale was going to cover all the expenses I would accrue during my trip and cover his airfare to meet me in South Beach. I didn’t know where I was going or the address I was to meet him at. All I knew is that his family owned property on 13th and Ocean, and I was going to have the opportunity to start over. I had jobs lined up at 5 different possible salons doing hair. Life was going to be amazing!

But, there I was… driving into the sunset. I would drive all night, first stop Dallas to spend a week with my mom. Not knowing where I was going, and running from a life I knew was going nowhere was not a very good recipe for success. Until the furniture was sold, I had 100 tabs of E that I could sell to get me going.

When furniture was not being sold and I somehow was no longer able to get hold of my old roommate, things started going downhill quickly. I fell back into what I had learned I did well: I was back in the clubs pushing/selling what I had to be able to make it. It was only a matter of a couple weeks when I realized I probably wasn’t going to make it to FL, and meeting some of the top dealers in town that I found myself exactly where I was running from. That’s the problem of running from a life, you bring yourself with you… the life itself wasn’t the problem, I was. And: There I was.

I already didn’t have the best credit, but the one thing I did have was my rental history. I knew this was something I was going to have to maintain if I were to have any chance at all to start new. I now learned that my roommate had not sold anything. He hadn’t evacuated my apt and had not turned in the keys or even paid rent to continue on the lease. With him simply living there, it was a violation of my lease, because he was never added.  Rent was 8 days past due. Florida was no longer in my scope of possibility. I had only a few days to come up with rent or papers would be filed for my eviction.

Because I was so lost and so afraid to face who I was, I made a quick overnight to Denver. Upon arrival, I contacted an old dealer to borrow some money and get fronted some product to turn real quick to come up with to repay him: 10 days pro-rated rent, broken lease fee, month to month lease fee. All I had to do was go back to my old job, where I was told I would always have job and step back into my old life. But, I couldn’t do that… I wasn’t ready to face my truth and step into the light of who I was to allow me to begin a journey of healing.

Doing what I needed to do, I ran back to TX and began a life of denial, self deprecation, and self destruction. It wasn’t long before I was living in the bath houses and clubs. My dealing and partying became my life. I was no longer doing hair, and I thought I was living. Going from pills to powders to shooting up, it was a very quick downhill spiral quickly. I’m not sure where or when it happened but I was completely lost and addicted, not only to the drugs but the life.

I could remember having a life that was completely different, but I couldn’t remember what that looked like or how to return. As a result I kept running, to the point that it almost killed me… many times over.

That was all 11 years ago. And now I finally had the opportunity to complete that trip, on a journey now that is no longer about running from, but accepting my light from within.

When I booked my hotel I had no idea where I was, just that it was in South Beach. As I pulled up to the hotel, I realized that it was only 1 block from 13th and Ocean. Upon checking in, I immediately went for a walk. There I was standing on the corner of the streets of a journey once forgotten. Emotion was running through my being. A sense of completion: within and in life.

Part of me arrived in that moment; somehow I could breathe a little easier. I was no longer running from anyone. I took the next few days and allow myself to experience the city and all that came with it.

Meeting a facebook friend, I was shown around the city. I only took enough clients to pay for that part of the trip and to get me on to the next leg of my journey.
4 days later: my heart was filled with ease, my breath seemed lighter, and there was a skip in my step. Walking down to the beach for one last sunrise, I was at peace. I knew that from this point on, life would never be the same, and I was eager to be on my way. South Beach was beautiful and amazing for the spirit, but not the place I would land

At this point, I have no idea where my life or my path will take me; but, I am no longer running, I am no longer searching, I am no longer seeking anything from anywhere but the light from within. I can truly look in the mirror and be in total appreciation of everything I have become and look back on the journey of the last 11 years and be in total gratitude for the gifts of understanding that is allowed me to achieve.

Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose