A story of full circle, A story of ego, and a story of attachments… I was intending the title of this blog to be Rockin in the Rockies, but unfortunately sometimes the school of hard knocks is also a  means to understanding.

Denver is the place I have always felt was home. It is the rock of my coming out as an adult and in that of my development. So much of my life started and ended in Denver, I guess it was only right that Denver would be much more than just another stop along my trip.

By the time I pulled into town, I already had a completely booked client roster for the first few days. But clients, although nice, were not the primary purpose of my trip. My intent of Denver was to take enough clients to refill the account and accommodate for all expenses I had acquired during my trip thus far. I only wanted a couple clients a day. I wanted to spend my time, revisiting the city and visiting with old friends, seeing where they were in their lives and catch up.

Unfortunately the idea of making money and making Denver a profit became such an easy thing to attach too. Especially after breaking my camera in the Sand Dunes and having to buy a new one: a mishap ending up in an extra $400 expense not accounted for in my budget. I was now basing my sense of safety and security on an attachment  to work and an attachment to earning forgetting that as long as I look only for the security from within, and seeking only in the abundance that I am all else would be taken care of. Day 2 of being in Denver, what a mess.  By 5 pm I had 2 last minute cancellations and a no show. UGH… Not thinking my day could get any worse, my next client showed up… late of course…

The second my hands touched his back, his butt flew up in the air. My higher self came in and told me to end the session. I could tell and feel that this was not going to work. I could tell and feel that what he was here for was not a massage. I knew immediately that he had not read the description of my work and was wanting something completely opposite of what it was that I offer in my sessions. I can’t really blame him, fully. It has been a well know fact that men’s massage was never just a massage, gay or straight. But once again, I chose to ignore that which I was being guided to do (end the session) and continued. His attempts to get more than just a massage continued to grow in forwardness, and I was getting nowhere except frustrated. I had already had 3 clients not come in, and “needed the money.” ROFL…. There has never been a time when I have followed the guidance of the universe and not been taken care of. It is only when I ignore that of the universe and follow the control of my ego that I get in trouble and ensure my own misalignment.

By the time the session was over, I was completely disconnected and barely going through the motions. He was obviously not happy with the session either. Thinking if he stayed for the 90 min session, he would get a little more, he asked if he could extend. I had another client coming and told him no… not that I would have extended at that point anyhow, I was no longer working from a place of Love and Light, but from a place of ego and disconnection. He handed me the money “I had to have” and left… Quickly I realized that he had shorted me on the payment too. UGH…

Over the next 3 days I had 2 more last minute cancellations and one more no show, for a total of 6. This is more in just 4 days in one city than I have had in the last year combined. But why, why now? Maybe because I was totally out of my own alignment and the more misaligned I became the more I continued to attract this energy. I am the result of my own creation, I am not the victim, but his week I was the victim and that was the energy I was attracting.

Because my foundation of being was so rocked, I couldn’t find balance in anything. I began to seek out hookups ect. Of course, the universe stood in the way, at almost every turn, and thank “God”. That is not who I am, or what I want in my life.

When I left Denver 5 years ago, I was only 2 months sober off a 6 year Crystal Meth addiction. And now back, I realized there was still things trapped in my field I had not yet dealt with. Denver was now the mirror of those things within me that I had suppressing within. I found myself on line at all hours, trying to find a fix of validation, only to find myself feeling more and more empty… more and more seeking something to fill the void now known as my truth.

This morning, sa I finished my second client, it hit me. Coming into Denver, I knew I only needed to make about $1200 to recover all I had spent so far on my trip (including to replace the camera). And that…. is exactly what I had made even with the cancellations. I had based my foundation not on the experiences of self, but on a financial gain. I was disconnected from all that I am, and as a result, didn’t have time to even connect with part of the people I had wanted to. Yes, those who cancelled had a responsibility unto themselves for their actions and that what they were putting into the universe; but, it was my attachment to the outcome that is what affected my alignment, not them. Had I took a moment to realize, pause, breathe and take a look at what was really going on rather than what my ego was telling me was going on, I probably would have felt none of the effects, and would have remained translucent to that which was around me, also probably ending the vibration causing my discomfort.

This is truly ending up being far more than just work trip cross country. It is my biggest test in the understanding of who I am. It is easy to remain steady and in the alignment of self when you are in an environment you have created; but, how do you maintain it when all around you is unfamiliar and foreign…. As I tell my clients, ask yourself, “Can I feel my feet?” See, its impossible to be in your head and in your body at the same time, by asking, “Can I feel my feet?” you are giving yourself that moment to come down energetically out of your head and connecting to your physical plane of existence through your connection to the Earth. You are giving yourself a moment of breath and a moment of pause…. You are giving yourself a MOMENT, and in that MOMENT you being to experience life, for in the MOMENT, is the only place life is actually happening, not the past of the future, but NOW. Anyhow, I am off for today. See you all in Dallas!

And Remember: Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose