Where to begin… after 2 days of incredible energy lifting me up, I could have never prepared for what happened next. A drive down memory lane to Alamosa CO. This is the city I where I first came out. This is the city where I learned how much persecution I was going to receive for the rest of my life simply for being honest with who I was, and no longer being willing to lie about my sexual orientation: denying myself the happiness of love to make those around me comfortable. I was only going to be there for the night, as in the morning I was going to be filming a scene in the Great Sand Dunes of Southern Colorado, just miles outside of Alamosa. The Town didn’t even look the same. It had blossomed with stores, restaurants, as well as people. It was Sunday evening around 8 when I got into town, and even though the town had grown, it felt like a ghost town. There was nobody.

After a long sit in the hot tub recovering from the almost 9 hr drive, I just went to bed. I needed to sleep. I have been going non stop for the last few months preparing for this trip. A drive down memory lane to Alamosa CO. This is the city I where I first came out. This is the city where I learned how much persecution I was going to receive for the rest of my life simply for being honest with who I was, and no longer being willing to lie about my sexual orientation: denying myself the happiness of love to make those around me comfortable. I was only going to be there for the night, as in the morning I was going to be filming a scene in the Great Sand Dunes of Southern Colorado, just miles outside of Alamosa. The Town didn’t even look the same. It had blossomed with stores, restaurants, as well as people. It was Sunday evening around 8 when I got into town, and even though the town had grown, it felt like a ghost town. There was nobody.

I have been going non stop for the last few months preparing for this trip. When I woke to my alarm going off, I could barely open my eyes. It had felt as if I had barely fallen asleep. I finally climbed out of bed, to go get something to eat and head to the Sand Dunes to film a scene to look like I was lost in the desert for “Red Krokodile”. I had calculated exactly the amount of time I would need for the drive to the location, Hike in, and time for filming.

It was 45’ outside, couded, and wind gusts of between 60-80mph. Sand felt like needles piercing my skin with every breath.  But, I made it… I found the perfect spot. I set up, took off my clothes with sand piercing my skin. I thought I had my frame set, but filming myself, it was hard to tell. Take one. It went perfect. It didn’t  feel like acting. The fear of being lost in such a vast area of devastation and annihilation, over came my body and my mind. At one point, I didn’t think I could walk any further. As I paused, the wind caught me, my knees buckled and next thing I knew I was tumbling down one of the Dunes, first ronlling then a couple times almost head over heals I hit the bottom. I layed there, cold and hurting, but knowing I had to get up to reshoot the scene from a different point of view.

I gathered my wits and reset the camera. Upon checking my frame I realized that the lens was jammed with sand and the camera was done. Feeling as if I failed, ego screaming at me, I packed up and headed back to the truck. I almost felt lost, I could no longer see what was in front of me. I had to stop. Check in whith my own light and ask for guidance. trusting my own understanding and feeling what was the right direction I continued… 45 mins later I made it back to the truck. My eyes were burning from the sand scraping against my corneas and in what felt like every nook and cranny of my body.

I began to drive on to Denver. I felt as if I had failed. But what is failure in a world of nothing but perfection. I still don’t know what the lessons were there, and not sure I will. I did get one scene and only time will tell if the footage is even usable.

I have to buy a new camera. Because of the sand, it will cost as much to fix as it will to buy a new one. I hope I can get it before I have to film my next scene along this trip.

But, I didn’t have time to think about this or dwell in what didn’t happen, I was booked solid for my first 2 days in Denver with healing clients: with my first client only an hour from the time I was scheduled to arrive.

I remember stopping at one point during the drive to overlook the amazement of beauty while driving over the snow covered mountain between Garland and Walsenburg CO. Barefoot and shirtless, I pulled over,got outside and took some shots. I couldn’t even feel the cold under my feet, only the power of truth that was below me. In all of this beauty that was around me in this moment, I couldn’t even fathom allowing myself go back into the label of failure trying so hard by my ego to put on me.

I could breathe again. I could see the beauty of what is. I was connected and grounded. I could once again feel my feet and my inner light was shining. I was no longer attached to what had happenbed and know that what is supposed to happen will as long as I get out of the way and allow it. Fear and worry is only energy wasted and keeping me disconnected from spirit.

I am not what happens around me. It is not my job to judge what isn’t but live in the glory of what is. All in all, I know that somehow it will all work out. I will be taken care of… I have to be, I am one in all that is, and one within the perfection of the Love and Light of my own Divine Creation.

With a break in my schedule I sit here in the most beautiful and green park in Denver, the Mile High City, wind of the crisp mountain spring air blowing in my face. All is beautiful, all is perfect, because today, I choose to take a moment, Breathe, reconnect Vertically and allow myself to simple be the observer of my own experience of all that is going on around me.

Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose