Here I sit, on a mound of rock and dirt, overlooking Lake Havasu and watching the first sunset of the rest of my life. Every moment, I have ever lived for, has lead to this point in time. And let me tell you… the last few days have been some of the hardest I have ever experienced. Letting go, while a battle between Ego, Faith and Surrender began.
Letting go of all that is safe: Letting go of all that is familiar: Letting go of anything and everything I once held onto that defined who and what I was. Sunday I turned in the keys to my apt, and by choice, am now homeless! Or, as my mom insists to look at it as, A Vagabond! Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I own, fits in the back of my SUV!
For the last 3 days acid filled my stomach and my throat. Ignoring the emotions of experience being shared with friends of past and present, while saying good bye, I was making myself sick. I know, Emotions are nothing more than your Spirit’s way of saying “Hey stupid, pay attention to me. Slow Down! Take a moment and BREATHE!” It’s not that hard, but why couldn’t I do it?
Why? Because, I was at this point in my life that I can no longer see beyond what was in front of me. I was at that point in my life, where I was blind, and in the blindness I was being asked to walk in faith. This morning, I was running to the bathroom probably ever 30 minutes. I was scheduled to leave by 8, and didn’t get out of town till 1. I was scared. Scared not because I didn’t know that everything was going to be ok, but because once again, I had forgotten that I was worth the life I was given.
Setting out on a 7 week road trip across the US, still unclear of the path or direction I will follow, I left Los Angeles, CA. When I arrived in LA almost 5 years ago, I was beginning my journey of self discovery. I had no idea this is where I would end up. Only 2 months sober, from a 6 year Crystal Meth addiction, I landed in LA. I knew only 2 people in the whole city, who were putting me up. Over the course of the next 3 months, I began to go to 12 step meetings, meeting people, and learning how to live. By the End of the first 3 months in LA I had over 250 phone numbers in my phone of people I had met, who were willing to help me in any way they could to figure out how to live again.
No longer a part of that program, I will be eternally grateful for the tools of self discovery that were offered to me to find my path of spiritual understanding and Conscious Awakening. This is not the life I had ever hoped for. It is not the life I could have ever imagined for myself, and definitely not the life I would have ever tried to manifest. But here I sit, in the middle of a life that is beyond me, and beyond my wildest dreams. I am living a life of yes. A life of limitations and I can’t no longer exist. I am open to the abundance of all that is, for I know, understand and feel that abundance within me… for it is me, as it is ALSO YOU.
A couple months ago, a dear friend asked me, “What is the biggest obstacle you have had to overcome to get where you are today.” Upon sitting for a second, I realized that it was a 2 part answer. First, I had to realize that I had a “Life Worth Living”. Not just going through the motions of, but actually living. Once I began to understand what it meant to be living my life, and great things began happening within and all around me part 2 happened. I finally had to come to believe that “I WAS WORTH THE LIFE I WAS GIVEN!”
I remember the first time I heard those words come out of my mouth, “I am WORTH the life I was given!” I could hardly finish saying the words. My throat began to close up. My heart began to pound. Tears began to well up in my eyes. But finally, I said it.
This last couple weeks, has been about realizing just what I am worth. I know today, I am worth more than my things. I am worth more than my ego will allow me to feel. I am worth all the universe has to offer, for I am one with all things. I am LOVE, I am LIGHT, and I am PERFECTION>
Don’t get me wrong, I am not separate from my ego, I still make bad decision, I still get caught up in the world of attachment: to people, ideas, things and allow that horizontal attachment take me away from my vertical alignment of SELF. But, most importantly, I also know that it is only the person that I am in this moment that has the ability to learn and understand the lessons that are before me that will allow me to fulfill my purpose. Today, I am a single beat of my heart. Today, I am the gentle flow of the breath of creation. Today, I am the creator of my own truth, rather than the victim of my own life.

And Remember: Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose!!!