Family… The single biggest lesson in the understanding of whom and what you are, and opportunity for spiritual growth. And, if you think you have that down, try 5 days with 3 generations of family in one hotel room. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all dearly, and would go to the end of the world for any of them, but the verb “BREATHE” took on a whole new meaning! Lol

One week ago today, I arrived in Dunn NC. This was the first time I had ever made it to the home of my little sister and her family. Friday, I was Uncle Brock “the babysitter”. And let me tell you, this brought me to places I had totally forgotten about.

My 10yr old niece is a spitting image of my sister, to the point I was in constant state of going back in time… memory lane. But: it didn’t always seem like memory lane. While walking through the field next to their house, with both my nephew and my niece, we were laughing and playing around. I don’t even remember what she said or what she said, both of which completely arbitrary for what happened. Sort of like Déjà vu, I was transported to a time of the past. I knew this moment had happened before, only last time with her mother.

As kids, we used to run though the fields behind the house, run through the woods, and play by the river. That was a time when kids were allowed to be kids. Fear had not taken over the parenting of adults. Fear of children being taken, fear of children getting hurt, fear, that children might do something that is not under the control and manipulation of the parent.  For a moment, I was back in a time and place where kids were not allowed to sit for hours in front of a TV, or in front of a computer game, a time when you had to call someone or speak to them in person and learn how to communicate, not hide behind a screen, and a time you were still encouraged to go out and find out who you were, not punished for not being who your parents wanted to be. I know that last part is a little grandiose, as it was a little bit of a lie in and of itself.

The first lesson of understanding the a child learns, is not Love, but a lesson of control and manipulation for the feeling of security by the parents. And before any of you parents out there get upset, ask yourself, “what was your 2yr old child’s favorite word?”. If you are honest with yourself, you will quickly realize or remember the word “NO”, for this is also the word that got them in the most trouble and even got them tapped on the tail a few times.

But, let’s look at the word no… What does it really mean? If you ask a parent who is using it, it is a word that is keeping the child from getting hurt or doing something wrong. But, let’s leave that all behind us for a second and look at the energy behind the word. Who and what is the word actually being used for. Yes, a child may get hurt, or do something you may not want them to do; but, is it not for your own happiness that you are saying the word no? Are you not, in fact trying to control the actions of those around you to make you feel better?

By the age of 2, the biggest lesson a child has learned that in order for me to feel safe and secure within my being I must display a means of control that allows me to manipulate those around me. If, and only if, I am successful at controlling and manipulating those around me well enough to secure an atmosphere that is pleasing to me, can I be happy. OUCH… and really?

When a person does not feel safe and secure within their own being (typically any time a person is having an emotion other than joy) it is taught (not natural, but taught) instinct to control and manipulate the situation to make it responsible for your joy. But, then again, how well has that worked out for you in your own life, if by the time of being a parent this is still the lesson you are trying to force onto your children?

Children will do what they know will get a reaction from you, simply because it is what they have learned as the only way to have personal power.

There are a couple things within that last statement I want to look at.

1)      Reaction

2)      Personal Power

What is a reaction? Most believe a reaction to be physical, or verbal, but where does either come from? As a human, we receive energy from both the earth and the universe at the same time. The energy of the earth is what gives us our sense of security, while the energy of the universe is what gives us our sense of knowing. A reaction, because the energy of the universe hits the mind (the part of the body controlling verbal and physical communications) first, and is the most prevalent in methodology of teaching, is an imbalance in the flow of energy. But, how do we change this? Easy, we pause and we breathe.

In this simple action, we give both  the energy of the earth and the energy of the universe time to connect at the center point, which is the heart.

The energy of the earth (safety and security) is drawn up the body and through our emotional being (culminating from the pelvic cradle or sacral area of our body) and is then digested through our “power of self”. Once we have digested our emotional (reaction) and allowed that energy to reach all the way up to the heart, we have the opportunity to discover and realize who and what we really are in any given situation.

The energy of the universe (sense of knowing and understanding) is processed down through the mind (or the ego) to bass through the biplane of energy between spiritual and physical energy at the throat. At this point, it too, has the ability to reach the heart.

And ALL THIS: in a single breath and a single pause. At the moment the energies culminate in the heart we now have the ability to respond from a place of love, rather than ego or emotional power.

The word “no” is a word that can hold the power of either the mind or the ego depending on the situation. Either way, it indicates that we are connecting horizontally to those things or people that are around us, rather than vertically to the energy of our highest being and to who and what we are in the enlightened state of being. But, why is this so hard to obtain?

Personal Power! As already described, the world “no” is a display of personal power. It is an indication that who and what we are, is not safe unless the circumstances around us are to are liking. But, is the ability to control and manipulate true power? NO, it is not!!! It, is an indication of a misalignment of self! True personal power comes in one’s ability to stand in their own light regardless of what is going on around them: without the need to react.

How can you tell if one is speaking from a place of ego/emotion Vs the Heart? Easy, the level of attachment the person has to the word that come out of their mouth. If, Once something is said, they are able to maintain a level of peace regardless of others conformity to what they say… it is from the heart, if not and they continue to get more and more angry or aggressive, it shows that it is someone who is speaking from emotion and who’s ego or level of personal power is by their ability to control and manipulate.

PHEW…. How’s that for a tangent! Lol but it was something I feel I had to go into in order to explain the rest of my experiences with the family.

Detachment, and the ability to stand in one’s light regardless of what is going on around them is something very difficult, especially  in the presence of one’s family. The typical family dynamic is set up, with the adults securing the energy of the space to make sure everyone (or at least themselves are having a good time). But what happens when the children continue to stand in the way of your control.

This was the biggest lesson I was faced with while touring Washington DC for the last 5 days, once my sister, her family, my mom and stepdad, and nephew (under the custody of my mom and step dad) all met to reside in a 2 bedroom single family residence. As the week went on, nerves and emotions were getting raw, of all persons involved. 2 different sets of parenting ideals, and 2 different sets of expectations of what is an acceptable code of conduct for children being enforced separately for 2 different sets of kids: all under the same roof. You can only imagine the levels of attachment to control and manipulation of the environment were going on by the adults.

Before the end of the trip, I found myself in the middle of the entire energy cluster of attachment. At this point, I too, was now getting angry at the children, for things that at the beginning of the trip would not have bothered me, because I knew what was about to happen from the parents of the children. Somehow, I felt that if I stepped in for the correction and allowed myself to also get attached to the manipulation of the children for my happiness, I could prevent the reactions of those around me, and then I could find peace within myself… a sense of peace that at some point was long gone.

After an explosion of my own energy I had to go for a walk. I had to go to see a sunset: a place I knew I could find center. It took a while of breathing, and beating myself up for reacting the way I did, and allowing myself to be in that state of alignment to the point that I lashed out on someone just to make myself feel better. After an hour or so, I went back. The children were already in bed. The hotel was pretty quiet the rest of the night, but I still didn’t feel right.

The next morning, as soon as my nephew woke up, I went to his bed. It was time for me to apologize for my actions. I had to let him know, that although he had done something he knew he was not supposed to do, I was wrong for the way I dealt with the situation and taking out on him where I was energetically. I knew and could feel that he understood. He and I were buddies again, and for the most part, for the rest of our final day in DC, I was able to stay unattached from all that was going on. A few times I was able to sit back and just observe. And although it wasn’t funny, got a bit of a chuckle, because I could see how ridiculous it was to begin with to even try to separate one persons attachment of control by attaching myself to the same idea of control.

It is said that over 70% of those who get into psychology do so to fix themselves and their family, and I can see why. But, with my work as a healer, it is my responsibility to stay out of the path of others, remain unattached from those around me and stay completely in my own light at all times. I know and feel in my heart, that I do not have the ability to heal anyone, unless they are willing to let go of their own beliefs that hold them in the vibration of attachment and of being broken.

It was asked of me a couple years back, while in India, “If you are a healer, what is it that you heal?” After a slight pause and a breath, checking in with how I felt about how I was about to respond, I looked at the man and said, “The only thing I would ever have the ability to heal is the perception of truth that one holds within the ego of their mind”. I understand this statement more today than ever. I can never be sad enough to make someone else happy. I can never hurt myself enough to help someone else find relief of their own pain. And, I can never assume the horizontal attachments of others so they can let go.

Alignment of self is a choice and it is a process of awakening. I may not be perceived as perfect by anyone else, and many times I may not see myself as being perfect; however, in all of my work I have found that there is only one set of absolute truths:

With the first beat of my heart: Love became the vibration of WHAT I am. As that Love began to supply the food and nutrients to create the physical body that I am today, from that energy, a Light was created. That Light is WHO I am.

I AM LOVE, I AM LIGHT, and through that, I AM PERFET!!!

And… SO ARE YOU!!!

Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose