Let me take a moment from my journey to remember one of the reasons I am able to walk this road of faith today…

To My Momther,

There are not words to express the appreciation I hold for you deep in my heart. A Child is considered a child with the first beat of their heart, but it was your heart that gave me life, and your heart that stayed open to me despite the life I once tried to destroy.

Everything I ever learned and value today, I learned through you and the lessons you taught me.

You taught me my truth, you guided my way and you knew my light even when I knew only darkness.

It is to you, that I owe all that I am today. I remember as a child, you never taught me I can’t, you only taught me consequences. You taught me to be the best me I could be; unfortunately, I took that literally, even when being an ass. And somehow, you still loved me anyhow.

You taught me, spirituality is not about what you do on Sunday, but what you do every other day of the week. You taught me it was not about saying the right prayers, and asking for forgiveness:  it was about opening my heart and treating others with love and kindness… without judgment.

You taught me it wasn’t about winning; it was about giving it everything I have, and having fun.

You taught me to laugh despite the pain.

You taught me to stand tall, and to stand up for what I believe.

You taught me to have a voice, and how to speak my truth.

You taught me it was not only ok to be who I was, but it was imperative to be who I was if I was ever going to find happiness.  And although it has taken me my whole life, up till now, to even begin figuring out who that was, you have loved me and stood by me anyhow.

I remember when I came out, and I remember later what you said to me, “It doesn’t hurt me or bother me that you’re gay, it bothers me and hurts me that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me sooner.”  You always loved me, not always liked me, but always loved me, for you always knew the real me, the me I am today.

When we found out, I was no longer just HIV+ but had my first AIDS diagnosis; it was you that said, “its ok, WE’RE going to make it!” And, every morning at 10 am, my phone would ring, “Rise and Shine, time to take your MAGIC PILLS.” You never let me give up, and you never gave up on me. It was that choice in perception and helped me realize what unconditional love was, and how to dream again.

It was you who taught me that everything will work out exactly the way it’s supposed to! And even though it may not be the way I want it too, it’ll still works out.

You taught me that life is about perception, and you can either dwell in the sorrow and darkness, or you can take a breath and start over.

You taught me that it was ok to feel, and ok to express those feelings without guilt or shame, but you also taught me that to allow those feelings to define you, will get you nowhere.

You taught me to take a breath before I speak (even though I have many times forgotten that, and learned the taste of my own foot well), and yelling is not speaking.

I know there are many things I have forgotten, and what I have put, only touches the surface.

I am my Truth, my light and my way, and you are my teacher, my friend, my guide, and my mom.

I love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for being my Momther, and thank you for being you!

Happy Mother’s Day

And Remember, Have a Great Day (or not) You Choose! (See you soon)